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Date:2005-06-20 17:59

Okay Jerks, heres a show at my haus you should all come to:


This Wednesday, June 22

812 Gist Ave
Silver Spring, MD 20910 (mapquest that shit, or 5 min walk from Silver Spring Station on Red line)


Barnacle (members of Mass Movement of Moth and Your Friends)

The Silent Game (Pop Punk on tour from New Orleans)

Ann With a Plan (Anarcho-pop acoustic)

Little Light (on tour from Philly)

Kirby (Thoughtful DC acoustic)

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Date:2005-05-09 18:10

I think Ive been feeling better lately because there isnt a pile of dishes in our sink so high that I cant fill a cup of water. I am indebted to Kerry for washing them even though he never used one the whole month of April. But now that the kitchen is clean, I can make healthy food (no more cookies and peanut butter sandwiches). I need to move on to my room next, but its a lot easier to throw clothes in a corner than dishes.

Part of making myself feel good lately has been trying to get up early to go running, and get my day started before noon. I started drinking Wheatgrass juice from work, and even though it doesnt seem to have the almost mystical properties on me that it does on others, I know its doing my body good. Ive been reading alot too; Zane and Dylan and I are doing a mini discussion group on Deleuze and 1000 Plateaus, which Ive been inching though, but dedicated to finishing. Its interesting, but so full of information and ideas that its almost smothering. It helps to have Zane to discuss and help explain some parts; I like making use of my friends formal education. I wish that I knew how to read French enough to get through it in original text. I think that's going to be a goal for the distant future.

Im also making myself do more artwork which means more flyers mostly, but I got asked to do the t-shirt for Tradition Dies Here, which is a scary task. I want to finish some paintings I started and I started some poster designs about sexual assault in activist and punk communities that I want to wheatpaste up around venues and establishments as well as at friends houses. Its an intense thing to try and make though, and I think it might be a while before that gets finished too.

Also, does anyone have any links to good sites on holding folx accountable in our communities and dealing with sexual assault. Ive got some things, but Id like much much more for the discussion between Hope House and Death Star 20910. Im real glad that we're going to be creating dual house policies on sexual assault and a definition of consent that we can spread all around our scene and town so that no one has a excuse.

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Date:2005-03-28 16:44
Subject:most days I just feel hopeless

I think Ive developed social anxiety of some sort because so many conversations Ive had lately have been so stressful and difficult for me to get through that Id rather not talk at all. This past week at work I barely said a word, and I havent had any kind of long conversations with any of my housemates in a bit. Ive also had a difficult time getting through any projects Ive started as much as I want to do them.

I have to go to the doctor this week or next and Im thinking about seeing if I can afford a vasectomy. I might also ask my folks for the money to do it.

and Im meeting with a lady tommorow in Silver Spring who wants to buy two of the pieces up at the show. Im not sure if I want to part with them, so if we cant reach a agreeable price, I dont think I'll be selling them.

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Date:2005-03-28 01:04

Behold all ye livejournalists
On this morning of 1:04am, Febuary 28, 2005
Orion haf drinken his alcoholic creation with one Daniel Redman
and is most crucially
slightly drunken.

Fucken freegan apple wine!

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Date:2005-03-25 11:31

After weeks of half cleaning, my room is finally near empty. So much garbage got thrown out, and so much crap got put in the attic. Its so nice to have a desk to work at with the sewing machine up on it so folks can finally use it (well use it not on the floor). This week was a bad one; I felt physically and emotionally worn almost every day, and hurt about waning relationships. I went to New York for hopefully the last time, Ive been going almost every other week for court. This time was nice, I only had to stay a day, got a totally awesome belt, and managed to finally see my arrest footage. Im going to try and get it for myself so I can show my folks ("look how many cops it took to take me down mama!")

Daniel and I have been brewing a big jug of apple cider, and I think tonight or tommorow it should be done. Its gonna be so nice to hang out and enjoy the taste of 100% free and homemade alcohol. I wanted to have a all day porch sit, where we just sit, listen to old time and drink all day, but the snow has hampered those dreams.

-started working on haymarket artwork
-got my bullet belt (with tips!)
-almost done with a neat painting
-got a good oldtime cd with a gift card I found in my room

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Date:2005-03-16 04:16

tonight was a lesson in patience and self control as I sat waiting to scare friends in an abandoned apartment building, naked except for a nylon mask, stockings and black paint. At one point, I got lost in a room sitting in the dark waiting for people to find me and I forgot where I'd been sitting before and thought I might be going crazy. Heard scary noises, but Im surprised I managed to not get too scared. My costume would have scared any ghost more than I would have been scared of them. My timing was a little off though, so while I looked really creepy, I didnt get the crapped-pants affect I was looking for. I think it might have had to do with being in below freezing weather naked and being impatient to get warm.

nylon stocking sculpture is the best and most grotesque shit in the world.
and today I watched Iraq war footage and got as close as Ive ever been to witnessing death.

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Date:2005-03-04 02:41

I hate how I left the show tonight in such a good and hopeful mood only to come home later on feeling shitty and lonely. Im trying to extend myself and all I want is a new landscape of people Ive never met.

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Date:2005-01-03 00:30

I heard lots of people discussing whether 2004 was a good year, so I thought about it and while I still havent come to a decision, there were definitly many new experiences. Everything on the list is a first and not in any real order (total fckin chaos!)


Roadtripped with friends to N. Carolina
Saw the same band three times in a row in three different cities (Zegota, Requiem)
Got my bridge peirced
Took a college class on anarchism
Hitchhiked for the first time
Got my septum peirced
Started a band
Learned the saw and harmonica
Travelled to New York for the first time

Graduated High School
Changed 2 years worth of plans in the course of one night
Moved out of my house and into an apartment with a friend
Talked to close friends about being queer
Got arrested and spent the night in jail
Busked in Adams Morgan
Recorded a demo cd
Dealt with a suicide attempt
Was left totally isolated from family
Got my first job
Quit my first job

Got arrested in New York
Spent a night imprisoned in the Tombs and on Rikers Island
Dealt with the fear and pain of a friends sexual assault
Moved into a collective punk house
Started learning banjo
Went on tour with a friends band
Smoked pot from a bong

Lots of experiences were had and a shit ton of life lessons in a pretty short period of time. I think this year is going to involve being more responsible about important documents (passports, id's bills, etc) and not getting put in jail anymore. I also want to learn and maintain drive in my projects and ideas because I really admire my friends who posess that. Id also like to improve two or threefold at banjo and travel for at least a month with a close friend or partner.

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Date:2004-12-30 15:21

In fuckin Pensacola at the end of the line cafe sitting next to Ben updating his livejournal and Rymodee making coffee for folks. Im pretty tired and I didnt get much sleep last night, but Im happy to be here. The music is good. Ill be home tommorow.

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Date:2004-12-29 20:48

Im in Gainsville Fl, for the first time ever. Last night I was in Charleston and had an amazing time talking with people and hearing lots of great stories. Got some good contacts Ill hopefully keep in touch with. Im nervous about getting back in time for work, which is annoying, but Im sure will be ok. In Asheville, I learned a couple new banjo songs and almost got caught smoking pot by the cops. Real close call. But Ill totally be back to Charleston and hopefully Gainsville will be just as interesting. I get homesick every now and then, but realize how awesome it is to be making new friends in different cities and get to see new places with some rad people. Ill be home soon.

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Date:2004-12-25 02:27
Subject:late post

Christmas Eve spent playing banjo and smoking black and milds. The smoke and cologne in one. When messing around on a new banjo I got I figured out an eerie tune, and spent the past two hours writing words to it. I think theyre suiting, although to have written it by myself on Christmas eve is a little weird. Its called the fatal deed, and you'll probably hear me play it over and over if you come over. Last night I went to a spectacular Christmas party and played music and sang sea shanties and was allowed to drink to my hearts content. I didnt really, but just enough to have the liquid courage to sing along and play alone. I met a woman who worked with one of the original field researchers that worked with the Hammons Family, and she knows a wealth of awesome sea and old time songs. Well, Id better get to bed, but here's the words to the song. Its a straight up old time song with the last lines repeated when I sing it.

As I lay a'dying in my bed
a devil came to me
singin' "son, your life's near over,
so this deal I give to thee."

I listened with attention full
to this evil deal for me,
For life I'd have to sell my soul
and bound to hell I'd be.

"Well I am but of eighteen years
to young to mold and rot
but I wont sell my soul to you
no sir, I'll surely not"

the demon thought a moment hard
then changed his tune for me
he pledged "son, you'll live another day,
Ive a better deal for thee...

Steal into o'er yonders wild
and into foreign town
kill and bury anothers child
swiftly, without sound."

My beating heart beat slower,
my body it grew cold
in desperate voice I whispered,
"to this deed I am sold."

So into town I wandered
my hand upon my knife
I found a sleeping child
and ended it's poor life

Caked in blood I stumbled
the child limp in my hands
I brought him to the dark seas shore
and buried him in the sand

But in my haste
I left behind
a fatal clue to me
the parchment with the devils deal
for all the town to see.

Now here I wait for lead or rope
for bloodying my knife
I know to hell my soul is damned
doom'd to enternal strife.

So listen to them devils not
in any form or guise
Hell is for the scared and weak
Heavens for the wise.

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Date:2004-12-16 15:42

last night was beautiful, so thanks to everyone who helped make it that way. It was such a spirit lifter to see so many people play their music in front of people for the first time. I loved hearing everyone mess up and just smile and start again, embarassed, but knowing that it didnt really matter to their friends how many times it happened. Seeing this house full of people and conversation fills me up with such strength that I wish it were every night. To stay up till four in the morning and go to sleep with new and old friends side by side cant be described. I cant wait untill next time.


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Date:2004-12-13 18:12

Oh, and there'll be a raffle for a trophy full of peanut chews and gumdrops to sweeten the pot. so to speak

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Date:2004-12-13 17:40
Subject:hottt show

wednesday december 15th

Vegan potluck, acoustic music, games

cost is three bucks for touring band
(no one turned away)

Welch Canavan
(of xstillstrongx, he's nice)

James Hayes
(dude I've never heard on tour from New Orleans, solo acoustic)

Venn Diagram
(poppy drum and guitar duo from RVA)

and possibly some others.

Our house is metro accesible from Takoma Park metro, down Piney Branch Rd., left on Gist Ave.
You can drive here by going down Georgia towards MD, taking a right on Piney Branch, then Left on Gist as well.

812 Gist Ave, look for the punk looking house. We're easy to miss.


Hmmm, I was supposed to set this show up a few months ago, but slacked till the last minute. Its still going to be lots of fun though, with a relaxed atmosphere and good people to be around. What else are you gonna do on a Wednesday night? Study for exams? Ha, thats not punk at all. or metal. see you here.

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Date:2004-12-05 12:50

Im really dissapointed that I missed that show.

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Date:2004-12-04 10:13

So I did quit my job. I didnt go to work on Friday at 11 and played banjo and hung out instead. They called but I didnt answer, and now I have to go get my paycheck on a day when no one I know is working. I lost my paycheck from the co-op though, so maybe the capitalist gods are punishing me for dropping out of existence at one job. At times I felt a little guilty about not calling or giving two weeks notice, then figured, shit, if I was to get fired from that job, I wouldnt have more than a days notice and all it would have been considered was a standard buisness move. So why should we have to put in two weeks to "help out" the boss? Anyways, now Ive got to figure out where I can get a new check and how I should get my other paycheck.

I also decided to go raw yesterday as sort of a marker of a free-er me, now I have four straight days of free time every week unless I get more hours at the co-op.
tonights the show and I dont know if Ill be able to even make it out. shit.

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Date:2004-12-03 10:23

shit, Im so tempted to just not go to my first job today and just pick up my paycheck and quit that shit. It pays seven shitty dollars an hour and the boss is always upset with me for some reason. I like my other job, but thinking about going back to this one makes me sick to my stomache. I just feel like I'd be making someone elses job harder by not going back, plus, since Ive gotten food service experience from it, it could be helpful to just put in two weeks or stick with it. I wish that the manager would stop scheduling me to work with the owner all the damn time. I feel like it would be good to have it for job applications later on, but I dont ever want to go back. And if Im not going to go, Ive got to make the decision right away, cause work starts in half and hour. damn it, I think Im just gonna go. whatever.

4 hours at savory +
7 hours at co-op =

11 hours of work with a 30 min. break =


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Date:2004-11-30 02:31

today Ive felt really good about how my more "intimate relationships" are going. In that none of them have any definition right now and no one involved really knows what to expect or wants to make them anything more than natural right now. Adair sang me some songs I havent heard in a long time and I tried to figure them out on banjo. I also totally forgot that she'd written an amazing song about polyamoury a while ago that brought back so many high school memories. good ones.

lately people have been telling me that they like my hands, which is weird, but flattering. I talked with someone close today about touching, like to feel the inner part of someones arm or the back of their neck or some other not-nessesarily-sexual-but-intimate part of their body. And I kinda like it more than the "sexual" parts sometimes. usually. Sometimes when we're talking or with each other I worry that Im going to let this person down because of just never dealing with so much sadness and not knowing how to respond or help them other than just being their and promising my best. Im really hoping that its going to be mostly positive and forward moving emotionally.

confidential to everyone who commented on my last post.
It made me feel a lot better to see that I havent been the only one in this internal limbo. It sounds stupid to say that, almost playing perfectly into "misery loves company" but the encouragement and response made me feel alot more optimistic.

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Date:2004-11-28 01:13

balance. Lately, its been on my mind non-stop as I try and figure out where I am and what Im doing. Drugs seem to be the issue most recent around me. I dont feel like I have bad balance when it comes to this, but its been trying for some loved ones to deal with others finding the right levels of use in their lives. For me, watching has been nothing really more than interesting and a lesson in understanding. I know that right now I have loved ones who dont need to be lectured or scolded for certain decisions that theyre making, because I trust that theyre going to do what makes them happy. And for me, to know that the people I love are happy is really the only thing I care about.

Deciding what my desires and goals are lately has been difficult. A lot of the time, I dont feel any more or less dis/content with anything Im doing. Its a weird apathy that doesnt keep me from doing things, but prevents me from getting any pleasure out of what I do. I have ideals and dreams, but lately, even when Im doing exactly what I want to, I have a tense, empty feeling. Im starting to worry that I could be depressed, although I dont know too much about it. I struggle to get out of bed each morning, but not because I feel bad. I dont feel like executing my ideas, but not because I dont think I could do it. Perhaps my diet has left me sapped of energy. Or late hours. I always feel like something is holding me back from getting excited about things. Ive debated if this is because of ominous court dates and legal encounters or being in debt, or being cut off from family and learning to adjust. I dont know. Sometimes I feel like Ive put myself in a very difficult and negative situation because of decisions Ive made. Not going to college. Not moving with my family. I think alot about how alone it can be to not have any of your blood near you. Im not close to my extended family, and I didnt think about how itd be living by myself, so I find myself not thinking about my parents because I want to cry when I do. I find myself not writing or calling them because of constructed situations that keep me from doing it. I do it with court to, making excuses not to call my lawyer, waiting till the last minute to take off work (as if the charges would dissapear if I didnt think about it). I just want to feel whole and normal and do right now what needs to be done in order to do that.


wake up earlier
go to bed earlier (when no one is doing anything)
eat sensibly, even if it means buying food
sort out money issues
finish painting and actively continue to paint and produce art
paint and clean our bathroom
clean the house thougroughly
work on house relationships
call my parents at least once a week
write them twice
keep active in organizing
teach class at blair
read more books
play music with friends
finish/start zine.

it feels nice to have that written out, even though each of those feelings are so complicated and much more intense than words can describe. I guess I should get started on those goals though, probably with my diet since I bet that controls a lot of why I have little drive. I think I can get it back though. my balance.

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Date:2004-11-12 18:29

its friday night and Im tired. Whats going on tonight? Im thinking Ill finish cleaning the bathroom and goof around for a few hours. goodnight

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